A Boy

So, there's a boy in my class who share a same name as my father. Ironically, he hates me. I have thought so since he never talk to me. It was weird actually since I never had any recollection of what might cause him to dislike me.

My friend says that I was thinking too much and probably misunderstood the whole situation but hey, it have been nearly two years and he still haven't talk to me.. the heck, he even pretend like I don't exist. He was nice to everyone, even to the silent junior we have but he just never speak even a word to me and if he need to tell me something, he'll get someone else to do it for him. Am I being paranoid now? I am shy but at this rate of my studies, I am good with almost everyone in my class but not this one boy.

It's not like I care about him that much nor I liked him to that extend, however it just down right frustrating for me when he talk to my friend who is equally shy as me but not me. Can you imagine? I dislike him... yes I do. Usually I won't give a frick about people like this but I don't know the reason why he did this...

I was left at the end of question marks. It is really frustrating.

IntroVert

Hi and Assalamualaikum to all my muslims reader..

So... few days ago, I've been reading Maria Elena post about Introvert and Extrovert. From the point view of someone that is naturally an Extrovert, she said that being married to her husband which is an introvert is an adventure because an introvert person is so hard to read. I know it all too well since I'm an introvert myself. For you guys out there who doesn't know what Introvert is, well, to make it easy, an Introvert is a person who has a very reticent, shy and often find solace spending their time alone, far from a group of people. Well, as you can see, I'm just describing myself over thereee. Haha.

Well, back then... I don't really know that I am an Introvert because I thought being excessively shy and closed to people was normal with kids around my age. I thought it was a phase. I'll get better when I grow up and meet more people, that's what I thought. During middle school, I often spend my time with the same group of friend that I'm familiar with so my condition didn't bother me until I entered high school. You know that typical school system where you were divided into different class base on your grade? and you have to move to other class when you exam grade fall? I was in 1KAA1(kelas aliran agama) which is at my school was the first class or whatever lah you call it. I'm still with my same group of friends so it doesn't matter until I have to move to 2KAA2 during the second year because my grade just drop. That's when the reality hits me hard.

I realize that I'm too shy to make new friends or to even talk and believe it or not, I didn't have friends during the whole years because my new classmates consist of people who I don't know. I was alone the whole time and I come to realize that I have no social skills or whatsoever. I didn't do anything back then to fix it and the condition continue until I entered form 6 and even now, college.

I, an Introvert gets energy from being alone rather than socializing because I often thought that meeting people was tiring. I would exclude myself from taking part in any activities that include big crowd, even sometimes I locked myself in my room when my relatives come to visit but of course lah after all those usual greeting and stuff but still being in such crowd make me uncomfortable. I may be talkative through social media but when in person, I'm may take time to be one.

However, upon entering college, it become hard to exclude myself because of the assignment and other mandatory class activities. By hook or by crook, I have to partake in those activities for the sake of my carry mark. I willed myself to try and it's like taking a first dip into a very cold water. You are not comfortable and all you want to do is disappear.  The thing is when I'm with people I don't know, I'll become awkward. I don't know how to start a conversation and there's time when all my paranoid thought comes creeping into the center of mind.

At some point, I thought being an Introvert suck... well, looking at my own point of view, socializing is a challenge and people often mistook me as quiet person or just someone who is hard to talk to. I'm not actually. I can talk if I want to and even get stuck in a freakishly long conversation if the topic is about something that I really love. I'll get along just well but still, it take time for me to warm up with other people. Sometimes, upon knowing how I naturally behave when I've finally fit in, they would assume me as hypocrite. It's quite upsetting though because I thought when I show my true self, they'll understand me better but instead I got those snide remark :( I actually heard this from who I use to consider good friends.

When being an Introvert, I often keep my thought all to myself instead of just bursting out. Sometimes, it was good to be like that but most of the time, it's not. When you didn't talk much, people were more likely to not expect much of you and sometimes, what you said would not be taken seriously. I realize this thing during my first semester which is that time I have English presentation in my subject list -lol, I actually forget what that course is called- and apparently, we have to write up a research. My English writing skill is not that good but not worst either, so I write every sentences myself but when I passed up the paper to my lecture, she suddenly said that 'your English can't be this good' and she only acknowledge me after three sems of her teaching me. So here, I can conclude that because I didn't talk much, so her awareness of my capabilities only comes after all those classes she had with me. I didn't blame her though. I took it as a challenge and every time I had a presentation, I volunteer myself to be the person who'll answer all question asked by our lectures and friends. My voice was shaking but I found out that I felt less nervous when I talk base on my own opinion.

The other downhill of being an Introvert is that I'm not good dealing with stress. I mention earlier that I tend to keep my thought inside and when I come across something that make me feel pressured. I keep it inside for a period of time until at some point, I completely lost it. It happen a lot, especially now that I'm a student. I get into a fight with my group member and it was a nasty one on top of that. When I'm angry, I tend to said things without thinking and I pry on something that happen in past, so basically while I'm being right... I hurt people around me from pointing out unnecessary things.

Growing up, I come to realize that socializing with people is important and thankfully, after I kinda force myself to join my college activity, I can say that little by little, I start to come out from my little cocoon a bit. It's a challenge I told you, because I am not an Extrovert and people who doesn't understand would never get the idea of how it actually felt. The thing that is important here is supports from family and friends... I'm glad that I have all of those. It quite funny when I get excited after I joined few community activities in college, taking pictures and such and after that I'll show it to my mom. My mom would be like 'that's good for you'. My sister know that what I'm like and every time I told her that I joined something, she'll be like 'pandai pun bersosial'.

I'm quite thankful though because my friend right now -my classmates- is a group of people who won't leave anyone behind, although I'm usually quiet, but they often make me feel like a part of the group. From my personal opinion, I think that when you have family members or friends who are an Introvert, the important thing you need to do is understand and support. As for me, I am good at one on one conversation or with a small group of people but not with crowd. i get all worked up and tizzy, esp at class presentation. To come out and talk need time and don't assume things too quickly. I mean, when you saw people who are quiet and excluded from the community, don't judge them as a snob or hard to approach because unless you really sure they are. Maybe they just need  time to fit in or someone to pull them into the crowd. Who want to be an outcast after all...

So, basically I share this because I wanna share how  being an Introvert felt like and from here I hope that you guys would understand better. Being an Introvert is not something that I like to be honest and I want to change that but of course the change can't happen over night. For mean time, I just hope that people around me can respect me and accept me as whom I am and and anddd.... know that not every single person in this world is the same. :)

So yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -aku memang lemah plus awkward kat penutup ni, so please pardon me- , till next time and if you are reading this, do share your thought and experience with me. Don't be shy :D

Ho-Ney

Hi and Assalmualaikum for the muslims readers. :)

Remember at the my first post where I'd mentioned that I've gain a quiet strong interest on something? Well, cyeahh..That something is 'Rabbitries'!! and today post would be all about it. Okay, so... I've quite fond of rabbit since I was in middle school when I got my very first of rabbits ever at pasar malam  which is that time my kakak payung. haha They were adorable and I was thrilled at the thought of having them as my own pet because you see, when I was a little kid, I always has this thought that rabbit is the kind of pet that only rich people can afford. I don't know why I have that kind of thought when I really can have it for like rm15.00 each.

Anywayyy, it was the very first time we have a pet rabbit so we really don't have any preparation to bring them home, heck! we didn't even have a cage and I remember that time my mom put them in large basin covered with some newspaper. The day after that, my dad make some cage using wires but still, it's not so suitable for them. Sadly, not long after that, one of them died and only the male one lived (I manage somehow). I thought of getting him a partner since he's an adult and I bought a mix angora in hope that they'll mate and I got a lots of bunny babbiess! however, it doesn't work out too since not long after that a fox eat them both. A very sick, hungry, mean fox. Since that, I didn't bother to keep rabbits anymore because I thought keeping a rabbit is such a hassle. 

It didn't lasts that long tho because after I finished form 6, I started working at pet shop and one day when my boss start adding rabbit into her selling inventories (she didn't like to keep rabbit in her store but have to since customer demand her to do so) , I fall in love all over again. She first bring in a pair of mix nether land dwarf, I guess so you rabbit lover should get the idea. I mean who could resist those cute little cinnamon rolls? No one! I ended up buying a pair but this time I'm well prepared both mentally and financially. I bring them home complete with cage and other necessities.My mom was annoyed but seeing that I've bought everything, she just shake her head. haha.

I didn't stop there. Few month after, I bought a pair of pure breed Teddy Bear rabbit which cost me hundred each. My mom would be so pissed off with me, especially I bought them online but then, since it's my money... she just let me. kekeke. During that time, I begin to do more research about rabbit's care and I stumble into a local rabbit blog called 'Arnabkiut', and from there I learn a lot more about rabbit.. and I also find out that I can make money from my interest of Rabbits. I just have to know how to start a first step.

My rabbit have their first babies but sadly none of it mange to survive because the mother didn't have enough milk. It's just frustrating because I was so excited when I see the babies. Then, on the second time the mother gave birth, my dad separates the babies with it's mother which mean that we have to manually feed them with milk. I asks around and they told me that I have to gave them milk twice a day by holding it's mother and let the babies drink the milk until they full. (Perut diorg kembung mcm belon- ayah aq selalu cakap mcm nih 'dah merening2 tu, mknanye dah kenyang la tuh). I'm not sure that it'll work but eventually, it does! we manage to reduce the number of death and they did survive but even so, I didn't go straight to selling them because the babies still didn't manage grow healthily. They have few problem which I don't want to tell you guys about it because it's a long story.

So long story short (not really) , only after a few times of birth after the first batch, we manage to get it right. My dad and I manage to raise all of the babies without even one of them, died. They were the first batch that I sold out to pet store. 

This is them' babies. Aren't them cuties?

 Following that, my TB also gave birth but hell, I didn't know that raising TB is wayyy more difficult than mix angora because it was a delicate breed. The babies was one time smaller than MA and just MA, the babies couldn't survive. We also feed the babies manually and it prove to bit difficult since TB mommy had a very long fur which covered her nipple and make it hard for the babies to search for it. I have to trim to fur a little. Unlike MA, TB only gave birth to two or maximum four babies per birth and the gap of giving birth was longer than MA. However, after a few tries, we manage to get all of them grow up beautifully!. My dad was the brain and I barely know anything. -_-

I really had a hard time of letting them go, not just TB but my MA babies as well. It's like letting your child go but I got to do what I got to do. We start to have lots a MA and TB babies after that and the standard cage (yg beli kat pet shop tu) is no longer relevant. ayatt~ My dad, yg sngtlah baik dan pemurah built me a bigger cage at the back of my house. I'm so freakishly happy!!

This is them' babies. It's not the first batch tho but aren't they cute?

I start selling them to local pet shop but it didn't last long since an expensive type of breed like this is hard to sell at my place, so the shop owner refuse to buy more. I personally think it was their own fault for setting the price way too high from the usual price. I mean, the usual market price for TB is 1 hundred and they sell it back for 2++, who would want to buy it right? I sold my TB to them for a half price which is usual for 'store price' but they mark the price up like crazy! that's their loss. So, to sum it up, I stop supplying TB to pet store, only MA sometimes but then, one thing lead to another. I have to find another way to sell my TB because I can't kept it since my dad told me business have to go on no matter what. It was a headache until I found Mudah.com ~duhh, aq je yg tak penah terfikir. I put my first ad and wallah! I got myself a buyer. Business has goes steady eversince and on average I manage to earn like RM1++ per sell (sekali jual,) but still, sometimes, there is a downhill of it, like annoying customer who keep bargaining at ridiculous price reduced, customer who cancelled order last minute and so on. Worst when a few week after, they text me back and say that the rabbit had died. Imagine how heartbroken I felt?. 

However, moving on... I've been thinking to buy other breed. I craved for Holland loops and Netherlands Dwarf but can't find any during that time until my old boss call me one day and told me that she want to let go all of her rabbit. Her ND was a mix one unfortunately and her HL was bought first by someone else so what left for me is just Mini Rex. The standard price for one is RM250 but she offered me that price for three. Which I immediately fell for it and decide to buy. My dad was against it at first because that time, I've just continue my study so there's no one to take care of them but I talk him out of it, and eventually, he albeit reluctantly, agreed. *Grin Grin.

This is Mini Rex. It's got a fur that feels like carpet. Soft and silky.

Unlike TB, MR is a little bit wild. They didn't like to be touched but that maybe because my boss didn't play with them often.. IDK. I planned to sell it for like hundred each but it turn out that MR is loootttsss more harder to take care of than TB. The mother gave birth to only max 2 babies per births and for the first batch, only one survive. I had a lot of restriction with this one and more babies means more commitment. I don't have enough time and I'm not financially ready to support this one because I'm now a student. (student kan miskin) Also,with me not be able to return home more often, I have to totally depend on my parent. No, I can't do that since they've done a lot for me and my rabbit and they too have lots to take care of in their hands. The only solution left was to let go of them because if I have to choose between my TB and MA... it has to be them. My mom said it's okay because I can do lot more after I graduate later. I put the ad on Mudah and not long after that, I got a buyer. I am sad but luckily, that buyer is someone who was experienced enough as a rabbit lover and his place was not too far from my home either. Until now we still keep a close tabs with each other.

So, the point of this lengthy post is to told you guys that since I manage to earn money from selling rabbits, I can see that this kind of business may work out in the future for me, I've been thinking that someday, I'll open my own rabbitries and from there, if Allah wills, I'll start a business. From doing this since the very beginning, I've gain a lots of experience. From taking care of rabbit to dealing with people, it's a whole new thing for me. I know zero when I first started and now, I can say that if it not much, I did know something about starting on my own business. It wasn't hard but it's not that simple either. Unlike before where I don't really know what to do or what I'm really good at doing, now... I feel like I have a clear life goals and it is to be a rabbit entrepreneur.

That's all for today post. I'll talk more about this on my next. Love'chaa. If you hv questions or something to share, feel free to leave your comment down beloww.  :D

Until then~